


don't forget me, i beg

by hi_raeth



Series: retweet (twitter fics) [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Exes, F/M, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Pining, Safe to Read if You're Triggered by Pregnancy, Y'know all the good stuff, originally posted on twitter, plus a stormpilot wedding!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-19 01:43:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22803265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hi_raeth/pseuds/hi_raeth
Summary: The one in which Rey travels back to her college town for Finn and Poe's wedding, only to stumble upon the café she always dreamed of opening and the ex she never quite got over.(Luckily, it seems Ben isn't really over her either.)
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, background Finn/Poe Dameron
Series: retweet (twitter fics) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1639294
Comments: 170
Kudos: 491





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Adele's _Someone Like You_.

It takes Rey two months to do more than just smile and nod at the man she's shared her morning jogs with ever since she arrived at the University of Chandrila.

Two months, and all she can manage is a quiet, "Hey," as she joins him. But then he smiles, says it back to her, and best of all, starts making small talk with her every single day after that.

A week later, on a Saturday morning, he asks if she'd like to have breakfast after their run. They settle on one of the literal dozen new cafés in town, and spend most of breakfast talking about what Ben (she still marvels at finally knowing his name) calls an "over-saturated market".

"Right?" Rey asks once they've placed their orders. "Like, sometimes when I'm in one of those 'college was a mistake, what am I doing here?' moods, I think about dropping out and opening my own café. But then I look at all the ones we already have and realize that would probably leave me in more debt than this degree."

"This is going to sound weird," Ben says slowly, "but I do the exact same thing."

Rey laughs. "Seriously?"

Ben nods with a grin. "I'll tell you about my imaginary café if you tell me about yours?"

And so she does, and he does as well, and by the end of breakfast they've somehow fused their ideas to form a single vision that Ben declares "the best café of all time, probably".

And then he offers her a bite of his waffles because she's been sneaking longing looks at it throughout their meal while she demolishes her omelet, and Rey thinks she falls a little in love with him right there and then.

* * *

She falls the rest of the way throughout their next four years together, a _head over heels, he's the one_ kind of love that has her occasionally daydreaming about weddings and kids and growing old together.

Which is what makes it so unbearably painful when Ben starts drifting away from her and into Snoke's orbit, when his future starts to revolve around the First Order instead of her, when he picks work over her and their friends and his family again and again and again.

In their last semester of college, Rey barely even gets the chance to talk to him about their future, never quite gets around to telling him about the amazing, life-changing, career-making job offer she's received from the country's top automotive engineering firm... which just so happens to be based in Coruscant.

But she doesn't need to talk to him to know that there's no way Ben would leave Chandrila, no way he would leave Snoke.

After all, she's had a whole year to get used to Ben picking his boss over her.

So in the end, Rey doesn't let him make that decision one last time. She makes it for him instead, by telling him a few days before graduation that she's leaving town for good.

Ben... Ben doesn't even try to make her stay, just laughs bitterly and mumbles that Snoke was right about her all along.

Rey runs out of their apartment in tears, skips graduation later that week to pack up her things while he's gone.

And then she leaves without saying goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends! A few months ago I thought I'd write a quick little 'exes getting back together' piece over on Twitter, and somehow never realized it ended up being [more than 250 tweets long](https://twitter.com/hiraeth_writes/status/1172854045381251073). Thanks to that realization and the fact that some people are no longer able to access the thread now that I've gone private, it felt like the perfect time to share this little fic here. 
> 
> Sorry for the bite-sized prologue, but hopefully the actual chapters will be more substantial. I have no idea how long or short the fic is in its entirety, but I'll be posting it in five parts as originally structured. Since I wrote the thing directly on Twitter, it'll take me a while to compile all of the tweets and structure them for AO3, but expect daily updates!
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, I hope you're liking it so far, and please don't hesitate to leave a comment!


	2. part i

Ever since she left town, it's been a running joke between Rey and the guys that the only thing that could lure her back to Chandrila would be their wedding.

So when the call finally comes one dreary winter morning, she's had more than enough time to prepare herself for the trip.

But even after five years of emotional preparation, Rey's heart threatens to rip its way out of her chest when she finally lands in the airport and finds herself in the very terminal she departed from all those years ago, alone and scared and so, so brokenhearted.

It gets easier once she finally makes her way out of the airport, but only because she can barely recognize this place she once called home. Her Uber driver falls silent after the requisite small talk, and Rey spends the drive to her hotel silently cataloging all the new sights.

The café she's supposed to meet Finn and Poe at is equally unfamiliar, though she recognizes the lot as the previous host of one of her favorite thrift shops. It'd been a dark and rundown little shop then, a far cry from this trendy new café with its floor-to-ceiling windows and sleek metal and glass furnishings, softened by a riot of greenery cascading from every single nook and cranny. The place is an odd little clash between industrial minimalist and botanical garden, but it works somehow. The windows allow late summer sunlight to flood the place, casting everything in a dreamlike golden haze. Rey drifts into the light and lets her feet carry her where they will, completely lost in this scene straight out of a forgotten dream until a hand reaches out and wraps itself around her wrist.

"Hey, Peanut!"

Rey traces the hand wrapped around her wrist up to its owner, and finds the comforting sight of Finn's familiar smile. Poe is seated next to him, giving her an equally cheerful grin as his fiancé stands up to pull Rey into a hug.

"God, I missed you," Finn mumbles into the crown of her head, and Rey shakes away all thoughts of old memories and forgotten dreams to curl into the embrace of her best friend.

"Missed you too, Peanut," she whispers back, and the two of them stay like that until Finn breaks the hug with a suspiciously wet-sounding laugh. Rey can't exactly call him out on it, given that her eyes are a little watery right now. Nothing about her self-imposed ban from Chandrila has been easy, but the toll it's taken on their friendship has definitely been the worst part of it all.

"So," Poe asks brightly as the two of them settle down, Rey taking the seat opposite Finn's. "How's it feel, being back here? I know the town's not exactly what it used to be."

Rey laughs as Finn hands her a menu. "That might be an understatement. I can barely recognize anything anymore. I mean, this place used to be a thrift shop! How'd you guys find it, anyway?"

Finn shoots her a look. "Rey, I literally work right around the corner."

"Oh. Right," she murmurs, sheepishly lowering her eyes to the menu. It's still odd to picture Finn working at their alma mater, sometimes. It's still odd to picture any of them being actual adults, period.

Sometimes it feels like it was just last month that they were all freshmen, Finn and Poe dancing around each other during their weekly dinners while she watched on with a smile, snugly tucked into Ben's side–

Rey snaps herself out of her wayward thoughts just in time to hear Finn saying something about the café, which the menu informs her is called _Forget Me Not_. She supposes it's a cute enough name, even if it doesn't quite seem to match the aesthetic.

"So he quit his job, and decided to just go for it, you know? Probably doesn't hurt that Poe gave him this big speech about following your heart."

Poe shrugs. "I make no apologies for my cheesiness."

"Wait, so you both know him?" Rey asks between glances at the menu. "Is he from CU too or…?"

She never finishes the question, but she doesn't need to.

Because there, at the very bottom of the page, is the chef's recommendation: the Rey of Sunshine, a jumbo-sized English fry-up... just like the one Ben used to make her, doubling her portion sizes even as he teased her about her black hole of a stomach.

No words are needed when she finally pulls her eyes away from the menu to find Finn and Poe with matching grave looks on their faces, all signs of their earlier smiles gone.

"Is he–?"

"He comes in around noon on Mondays," Poe says quietly.

The clock on the wall tells her it's about five minutes to noon. It's some minimalist metal contraption with vines curling around it, and oh, everything makes sense now, the aesthetic and the windows and the sunlight, how he'd teased her for living up to her name and seeking the sun like a cat but promised her all the natural light her heart could desire anyway, how he'd promised her everything and then...

And then fulfilled his promises, years later and long after she'd left him and their life together and their dreams without so much as a goodbye.

Rey wants to cry. To scream. To rage at Finn and Poe for doing this to her, to run away and never look back, to sit still and wait for him, to turn back time and never leave in the first place–

Finn reaches for her hand. "Peanut. Breathe. Just... breathe. I'm sorry, I thought–"

But it doesn't matter what Finn thought, not when she's this close to having a panic attack in broad daylight, in public, in the café they created together late at night, wrapped up in each other, building a future together...

They never named it. They came up with everything _but_ a name, and now he's gone and named it _Forget Me Not._

Rey wrenches her hand out of Finn's and shoots to her feet, wincing when her chair scrapes against the floor - unfinished concrete, just like she'd grudgingly agreed to after a night of playful back-and-forth.

"I just... I need to... I have to go, before– before he– I can't, I _can't_ –" Rey chokes out, snatching up her bag and turning to leave.

And there he is.

There, less than ten feet away from her, standing in the middle of _their_ café, looking so much like _her_ Ben, the one she'd lost long before she made the choice to leave him, is Ben Solo.

Ben, five years older but somehow younger, younger now that he's wearing his hair long again instead of that cropped haircut Snoke insisted on for "professional reasons", now that he's left that life behind, now that he's happy again.

Leaving him hadn't been easy, _god_ it was the hardest thing she'd ever done, but Rey had been able to stomach the decision because she'd told herself that her Ben was gone for good, that she'd never see him again even if she stayed for the rest of their lives.

To see now that she was wrong, that she'd given up on him and _abandoned_ him when there was still hope...

She wants to burst into tears right there and then, in the middle of a bustling café filled with vaguely familiar faculty and new students and Ben, her Ben.

Rey runs away instead, the way she'd done all those years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get better, I promise!
> 
> Thanks to everyone for reading and commenting, it's so nice seeing this old fic find a new audience. See y'all tomorrow for the next update!


	3. part ii

On Wednesday, the guys try to lure her back to the café under the guise of wedding planning. They insist that the meeting _has_ to be there since it's food-related and apparently Ben is catering, and it takes nearly half an hour of back-and-forth before Finn finally gives up.

"I can't believe you're gonna skip food tasting!" he huffs, as if they hadn't already decided on the menu weeks ago.

She'd laugh at his transparency if she weren't so focused on keeping it together at the thought of Ben.

"You know I'd just vote for everything," Rey points out. It's easier to play along than it is to call out... whatever this is. Finn's a little too much of a hopeless romantic sometimes. "Besides, I really need to prep for tomorrow. You guys can drop by later though."

Finn gives up with a sigh, and promises to come over in two hours.

Rey loses track of time as she throws herself into last-minute research and note-taking, and the next thing she knows Finn and Poe are knocking at her hotel door with promises of food.

Her hunger chooses that particular moment to make itself known with a growl, but her appetite disappears as soon as she opens the door to see a brown bag with painfully familiar calligraphy curling around it.

"Got you something," Finn says quietly, all tentative and subdued as he holds up the bag from the café.

From Ben.

Back when they'd first moved into an off-campus apartment together, Rey had spent days trying to talk Ben into cooking dinner for their friends. A quiet dinner party, she'd argued then, would be much nicer than a crowded housewarming thing with beer and pizza and drunk idiots.

Finally, on their third morning of living together, with him flipping pancakes and her hugging him from behind, Ben had reached for her hand and said, "I only like cooking for people I... people I care about."

The L-word had hung thick in the air, unspoken but heard all the same.

(She would be the first to say it, two weeks later.)

Eventually Ben started cooking for other people, but in that moment... in that moment him making breakfast for her suddenly became _their_ thing, suddenly meant the world to Rey.

When she takes the bag from Finn with shaking hands, it all comes rushing back.

He's included a note, just seven little words that break her heart all over again: "Bacon extra crispy, eggs scrambled not fried."

She'd never actually told him that. Ben had just picked up on it the way he picked up on all the little things about her, all the little things no one else had ever cared enough to take note of.

Ben had been the first to care. The first to remember.

And after all this time...

Over the past five years, Rey would occasionally soothe her guilt by telling herself that surely Ben hadn't reacted that badly to her leaving, and that even if he had...

Even if he had, surely he must've forgotten all about her in no time.

Most nights, that thought was all that stood between her and a phone call.

Now she has proof that he hasn't forgotten anything, that he still remembers everything, clutched in her hand – and it's enough to make her burst into tears right there and then, breakfast in one hand and note in the other.

"Oh, Peanut."

Finn takes her into his arms and Poe takes the food, setting it aside while Finn guides her to her bed.

"I'm sorry," Rey sniffles as the guys sit on either side of her. "It's so stupid."

"No, it's not," Finn comforts her, one hand rubbing circles into her back.

"It's been five years and I'm crying over _food_ ,” she points out miserably, leaning into his side.

Through tear-blurred vision, she sees Poe shrug. "It's been five years and Ben just spent half an hour dressing us down for Monday, so I'd say you're on the same page."

Rey's breath catches, and the tears stop coming. "What?"

Finn draws back to offer her a guilty half-smile, half-wince. "So we might have led him to believe that you already knew he's involved with the wedding."

"And that you were 100% fine with it," Poe adds.

She struggles to process this new information. "So he thought..."

No wonder Ben just _stood_ there on Monday. He thought... he thought Rey had come to his café knowing it was his, knowing she'd be seeing him.

"He thought that maybe... you'd be happy to see him too," Poe sighs.

A terrible, ugly sound rips past her lips, something too raw even for the label of _anguish_.

Finn pulls her close once more.

"When he realized you had no idea, that we'd blindsided you..." Poe whistles. "I don't think I've seen him that angry since his last month with Snoke."

"Rey,” Finn takes her hand and waits for her to meet his eye. “He was _furious_ that we hurt you."

And then he drops her hands and casts his eyes to the ground. "Sorry again, by the way. I don't know what I was thinking."

"You were thinking they obviously still love each other and it's stupid to waste time dancing around the truth," Poe supplies without a moment’s pause, casual as can be.

His words knock the wind right out of her lungs, and her sharp gasp seems to echo in the stillness of the room.

" _Poe_!" Finn hisses.

"What?" he shrugs, completely unrepentant as he turns to Rey. "You do, don't you?"

After years of denial, the truth is buried so deeply Rey doesn't even know anymore. "I... I..."

"I'm taking that as a yes," Poe says. "And I know for a fact that Ben still loves you too, so..."

"He does?"

It's spoken so quietly, so timidly, that it takes Rey a while to realize the question came from her. She really only figures it out when Finn turns to answer her, giving her a sad little smile as he does. "Peanut... when he heard that you were too busy with work to come today, he immediately ordered us to sit tight until your food was ready."

Poe rests a hand on her shoulder. "He said you always get carried away with work, that ignoring your hunger is still second nature to you."

He couldn't possibly have known that for sure, not after five years.

After all, five years is a long time, long enough for things to change, for people to change. But the longer Rey is in Chandrila and the more she learns about Ben, the more she realizes that maybe, just maybe... he and she and the way they feel about each other never really changed at all.

Not when Snoke got his claws into Ben. Not when she abandoned him. Not even when five years passed without a single word between them.

Rey feels like crying all over again.

Instead, she looks down at her trembling hands and tries to breathe as Finn pulls her into a hug. "Rey..." he sighs, tucking her head under his chin. "I know things didn't work out the way you wanted them to the last time, but you know how we roll when life knocks us down."

It's an old mantra, one that's always carried them through their darkest hours, their toughest days.

"We get up and try again," she says through the lump in her throat, voice thick and scratchy with grief.

Poe joins the world's saddest pity party, wrapping his arms around them both.

"Try again, Rey," he implores. "Please. You both deserve a happy ending."

"And you'll get it this time, Peanut, I promise," Finn adds. "I wouldn't let him break your heart twice, you know that."

She wants to believe that Ben wouldn't let himself break her heart twice, that he never meant to do so the first time around.

The fact that she already almost does is enough for Rey to consider trying again long after her tears have dried and the guys have left.

These past five years have been... well, she wouldn't wish it on anyone other than Snoke, the creepy bastard.

It's not like she's been languishing away, not like leaving Ben made her less of a person, not like she hasn't spent the past five years making something out of herself.

But Rey hasn't exactly been thriving, either. Hasn't exactly felt _right_ since she left this place. Hasn't really gotten over the fact that sometimes she wakes up from a nightmare and instinctively reaches out for Ben, only to realize she's living that nightmare.

And that, above all — that painfully vivid image of spending the rest of her life with an empty spot in her bed, her life, her heart...

That's what sends her out of her hotel room and into town.

Into Ben's café.

* * *

The sun sets on her way over to _Forget Me Not_ , a brisk twenty-minute walk along brightly-lit and crowded streets filled with college students and staff alike out and about.

It's nearly eight by the time she gets there, the last of the Wednesday dinner rush getting their checks. Only a handful of tables remain occupied, with two waiters tending to them. And all the way in the back, standing behind the bar filling salt and pepper shakers, is Ben.

The breakfast bar had been his idea. Ben grew up eating a lot of meals alone in public, and he'd always hated catching sight of the empty chair across him, the pitying looks around him. His favorite place to eat had been Maz's, a diner run by an old family friend. The place came complete with a long, curved bar, and with his back to the world he'd been able to escape everything.

"It's not like people stopped staring," he'd told her with a shrug, on one of those many nights they'd stayed up picturing their future café. "But it made me feel a little less sad. A little less alone."

She'd shifted in his arms then, pulled him down for a kiss and whispered promises against his lips, vowed that he would never be alone again, that they would never be alone again.

Now she's in one end of the room and he's on the opposite side, with so much space and time and loneliness between them.

Rey's expecting a bit of challenge as she braces herself to close the distance between them, but her feet seem to move of their own accord, every fiber of her being drawn to Ben as always.

She moves quietly, still not quite sure how to announce her presence.

Turns out she needn't have worried about that. With ten feet still between them, Ben somehow knows to look up and find her. Rey falters for a moment, nearly stumbles. And then she remembers everything she's learned today, and allows a small smile to tug at her lips.

"Hi, Ben."

Ben... doesn't quite stare. In all their time together, Ben never just _stared_ at her.

He'd always watch her instead, tracking her every move to make sense of it, fitting it within what he knew of her, using it to assess how she felt and what she needed.

He's doing it now, carefully watching her while she's the one left staring as her feet close the distance between them.

Staring at eyes so familiar it hurts, at lips fuller than she remembers, at all the little marks time has left on him, all the little changes she should have been by his side to catalog as they happened. Instead she's left trying to play catch-up in the scant few seconds it takes for his shoulders to relax and his lips to curve into a smile and his painfully comforting voice to say:

"Hi, Rey."

And now they're just standing there, him watching and her staring, until finally her gaze drop away from his eyes down to his lips because really, she doesn't remember them being that full—

Rey quickly averts her gaze to some point beyond his shoulder, only to realize... "You remembered," she whispers in awe, carefully taking in all of the pictures displayed on the wall behind him.

The photo wall had been a shared idea, a nod to both their lonely pasts and the little bit of voyeuristic joy their younger selves had gleaned from pictures of happy diners, happy families.

Now this café - _Ben's_ café - is filled with the same, snapshots of joy and love nestled between overflowing pots of greenery and stacks of glazed plates.

For the first time, Rey allows herself to take a look - a good, proper look - at her surroundings. From the kind of pots he's used to the chairs he's picked out, down to the French window casements and his beautiful calligraphy on the menu—

"You remembered _everything_ ," Rey breathes, finally allowing her eyes to find his once more.

Here's the thing about Ben and his smiles, the thing Rey could never, in a hundred years, forget:

Sometimes, a little quirk of his lips means just as much as that big, toothy grin he'd reserve for only her; sometimes it exposes even more vulnerability.

This is one of those times, with Ben giving her that tiny smile as he searches her eyes for approval.

"I did. How do... do you... what do you think?"

Rey wants, more than anything in the world, to reach out and hug him and tell him what an amazing job he's done.

Instead, she gives him a smile that hopefully says everything she can't. "It's everything I dreamed of, Ben," she tells him, and means every single word of it. "It's perfect."

He's quiet for a beat, smile fading as he weighs her words - not because he doubts them, not because he doubts her, but because he's always, always doubted himself, doubted his ability to be enough for her, to make her happy.

All these years later, and seeing that one second of doubt in his eyes, in himself, still hurts her like a knife to the heart.

"Good," Ben finally says, his smile a little smaller this time but no less sincere. "Good. I… I just wanted... well, I'm happy you like it. That's good."

There's a bit of a self-deprecating twist to his smile now, a little lost look in his eyes as he frantically searches for more words, probably running through a hundred different options.

Rey decides to help him out.

"Thank you," she blurts out before the silence gets too heavy. "For the food, I mean. It was... really nice of you."

Ben ducks his head for a bit, shrugs as he pushes aside a few salt and pepper shakers. "Couldn't let you work on an empty stomach. Poe said you've got some work stuff to deal with while you're in town?"

He looks up then, and it's Rey's turn to avert her eyes. "Just a couple of meetings," she claims, a half-truth at worst. Omissions don't count as lies, do they?

Ben nods, and she smiles, and a heavy silence settles over them once more.

She's about to give up and bid him good night when—

"Rey... I'm glad you're here, actually. There's something I've been meaning to ask you."

Her blood runs cold, and her shoulders tense as her heart leaps up to her throat. Rey knows they need to have this conversation, knows he deserves answers and closure, but...

He runs a hand through his hair and gives her a nervous little grin. "Poe said everyone's okay with me being his best man but after Monday, I figured I should double check with you first."

But of course Ben wouldn't ambush her like that.

Poe had not, in fact, asked if she's okay with Ben being the best man to her maid of honor, but none of that matters now, not when Ben's giving her that hesitant, boyishly nervous half-smile he used to reserve just for her, not when her fingers ache to be the ones in his hair.

Rey finds that there's no easy way to say _of course_ it's okay without acknowledging why it _wouldn’t_ be, without thinking of everything this might entail for them.

So instead, she simply smiles and asks, "Have you started working on your speech yet? I'm a little stuck with mine."

And just like that, the years between them melt away, the chasm between them closes up, and all that's left is Rey and Ben, reliving old memories and mulling over which anecdotes to include and laughing at the embarrassing bits both grooms would surely kill them for sharing.

The world moves on around them, but Rey and Ben are oblivious to the hustle and bustle of waitstaff catering to last-minute diners and cleaning up after closing.

It isn't until one of them timidly clears his throat to get his boss' attention that Ben realizes it's past ten.

Rey offers the curious team an awkward smile as Ben thanks them and bids them good night, feeling oddly out of place until the last of them filter out the front door and Ben returns to her.

"Time flies, huh?" he asks, coming to stand next to her rather than behind the bar.

"I can't believe I didn't realize how late it is," Rey says, turning to face the windows. Nearly all of the lights are off now, leaving the almost-full moon to bathe the place in floods of silver light. The café is beautiful in the day, all golden sunlight and happy customers and _alive_ but here, now, with just the moon and the stars and Ben... here it feels more like her dream than ever before.

She can almost see her and Ben doing a final sweep of the place, locking up hand-in-hand, heading home together—

And then Ben clears his throat.

"Um, speaking of late... do you want a ride back to the hotel?"

Her vision shatters, and all that's left is the certainty that her heart absolutely would not survive being in such close quarters with Ben only to watch him drive off to a home they don't share.

"Oh no, I wouldn't want you to go out of your way—"

"Rey," Ben huffs a little laugh at her. "I know it's been a while, but Chandrila didn't magically grow in size while you were gone. This town isn't big enough for anywhere to be out of my way."

She laughs with him, pretends to mull over the idea. "Which direction are you headed in, anyway?"

Some of the lots in this area have apartments upstairs, but Ben's knocked down the second floor to make space for the high ceilings and windows she'd had her heart set on. There are houses and apartments nearby, but those are mainly occupied by CU staff and students. She's spotted a few new buildings near her hotel; could Ben be living just down the block from her?

Or maybe...

"Aldera Street, actually," he says, watching closely for her reaction even as he feigns nonchalance.

Aldera Street is home to only a dozen houses, some of the nicest in Chandrila. It's home, in particular, to the Organa-Solo family house, the one Rey had fallen in love with the very first time Ben brought her over for dinner with his parents.

"You moved back into the house?"

Filled with Leia's beloved heirlooms and Han's handmade pieces, Ben's childhood home is a love letter to his heritage, a reminder of everything he comes from. To picture him home again, after how hard Snoke tried to distance him from it...

No wonder there's a lump in her throat.

"Bought it from Mom last year," Ben tells her, voice light even as he gives her a look that says her reaction has not gone unnoticed. "Okay, I bought the condo she'd been eyeing and then we settled on a trade. A steal, really," he adds with a smile, drawing one from Rey as well.

"The best deal I've ever heard of," Rey agrees. "But I can't believe Leia actually chose to move out. She loved that place."

"She still does, but all the stairs were apparently starting to get to her. Total lie, by the way," Ben leans in and lowers his voice as if to share a secret, and Rey's heart skips a beat at their newfound closeness. "She's just covering for Dad."

"Still won't admit he's getting on in years, then?" she asks, hiding both her physical reaction to his proximity and her emotional reaction to Ben referring to his parents so easily, so comfortably again. Seeing him like this after all of the bitterness he'd started exhibiting towards his family near the end, after the way he'd started calling them by their names in an effort to distance himself...

It reminds her, once again, of how far he's come, how wrong she had been to give up on him.

"You know he'll deny it with his dying breath," Ben shrugs, giving her a teasing smile that's so familiar and beloved and missed it makes her want to cry.

Instead, Rey plasters on a smile and says, "I can't wait to see them at the wedding."

"They'll be so happy to see you," Ben says, standing close enough for her to feel the heat radiating of him, for her to remember what it felt like to have him hold her close and warm her up on cold nights. "Maz and Chewie and all the others, too. We've—"

He pauses then, bites on his lower lip in the most distracting way possible.

"They've—" Ben stops again, sets his jaw as if he's physically trying to hold back the words trying so hard to escape him. It's a look she's familiar with, a look she associates with one memory above all others:

Their first Christmas together, just a little over six weeks into their relationship. They'd just finished her first dinner with his family, and Leia had stuck Han and Luke on clean-up duty while insisting that Ben and Rey go out and get some fresh air.

The trees lining the Organa-Solo property had frozen over, with glittering icicles hanging off branches like ornaments, and the ground was covered in untouched snow as far as the eye could see.

It had been the most beautiful and peaceful scene of Rey's life, until she'd turned to find Ben's eyes dark with turmoil, his lips parting and closing again and again in search of words, his Adam's apple bobbing nervously. He'd tried so, so hard to hold himself back, to tell himself that it was all too much, too fast, only for dreams about them and a shared future and a life spent growing up and growing old together to come tumbling out anyway.

It had been - and still is - one of her favorite things about Ben: how at 6'2" and nearly 200 pounds, his body is still not big enough to contain the sheer size and depth and strength of his feelings.

But maybe he's gotten a little better at it, had a little more practice over the years, because after all that struggling—

"You've been missed, Rey," he whispers, and leaves it at that.

Just four words, but they're enough for her to act without thinking, to reach for his hand and…

Her brain kicks in at the last possible moment, and Rey jerks her hand back almost violently, drops it back to her side as if she's been burned. Her heart breaks all over again when his eyes grow dim, when his fingers twitch as if to follow her.

To make up for it, she blurts out the first thing that comes to her mind: "I've missed you guys too."

Not _them._

Not _everyone._

 _You_ guys.

Before Ben can react to that, Rey jumps to her feet and gathers her things. "Anyway, I should get going—"

He blinks, and shakes his head in a movement that's almost, almost imperceptible.

But not quite, not to her.

"Right. Um, just let me lock up real quick, and then I'll drop you off—"

"Ben," she says, trying her best to be gentle, but it's still enough to stop him as he moves back towards the bar. "It's so nice of you to offer, really, thank you—"

God, the look in his eyes, the way he's set his lips as if steeling himself for a blow, ready not to give anything away...

"It's just... I don't get to see the stars a lot, you know, out in Coruscant." It sounds weak even to her ears, this excuse she's pulled out of thin air, but hopefully it'll lessen the blow, hopefully it'll hurt less than the truth.

Not that Rey knows what the truth is anymore, with one foot in the present and the other in the past.

"It... it'd be nice to walk, that's all."

Ben remains silent, remains still, but his eyes give away so much. They always have.

"But I could text you? To let you know I got back okay?"

He comes back to life then, nods a little too frantically. "Yes. Please. That... I'd like that. Do you still have my number?"

She'd wondered, at least a hundred times over the past five years, if it was still the same. If he was just a call away.

"Couldn't forget it if I tried," Rey croaks, a little too honestly. She'd tried, she'd tried so hard to forget his number and his smile and him and them—

Rey takes a deep breath, blinks away the threat of tears. "Anyway. Good night, Ben. It was... it was nice catching up with you."

Somehow, she finds the strength to give him a smile. Somehow, he knows exactly what to say to make it crumple.

"It's good to have you back, Rey," he says quietly, with a smile that wobbles a little at his next thought. "Even if it's just for a while."

Rey is reminded, again, of everything she's keeping from him. And for the first time, she begins to wonder if maybe she's making the wrong choice… again.

She shakes those thoughts away and gives Ben the closest thing to a smile she can muster right now.

"Good to be back. I... I'm just... I'll see you around, Ben."

And with that, she walks away from him and the café and everything left unsaid between them.

* * *

She texts him twenty minutes later, as soon as she gets back to her room.

"Just got back. Hope you got home okay too. Good night, Ben."

It echoes so many of the texts she’d sent him in the very beginning, on the few occasions she didn’t let him walk her home after a date.

Ben's reply pops up less than a minute later, and Rey stares at it until she dozes off, phone clutched close to a heart heavy with nostalgia and regret and some odd combination of sorrow and hope.

"Sleep tight, Rey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter is _long_. Like, so long I nearly split it into two parts, but then I realized the next one is apparently just as long, if not even more so, and if I ended up splitting both of them we'd have to up the chapter count to seven. So here we are instead because... consistent chapter length is overrated anyway, right?
> 
> Only another chapter and an epilogue left to go, friends! And hey, don't forget: this fic comes with a 100% HEA guarantee.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and please don't hesitate to leave a comment. I'll be getting back to the ones I've received so far over the weekend, but until then please know I love hearing from y'all and I really appreciate each and every single comment.


	4. part iii

On Friday, Rey returns to her alma mater for the first time in five years to see just where next week's wedding will be taking place. She enters through the north gate, closest to Amidala Hall and the lake it overlooks, and Finn meets her under the weeping willow as promised.

Some of the running trails would occasionally bring Rey to this part of campus, but for the most part she'd had little reason to visit Amidala Hall, which houses the poli-sci classes.

Either she hadn't fully taken in the scenery back then, or it's grown more beautiful since.

"So," Finn asks, greeting her with a grin and open arms. "What do you think?"

"Finn, it's _gorgeous_ ," she whispers as he pulls her into a tight hug. "Walk me through it, I want to know everything."

He points out where the dance floor will be, where guests will stand during the ceremony, where he and Rey will emerge from Amidala Hall while Poe waits under the willow.

"And where exactly is this aisle I'm supposed to walk you down?"

Finn leads her to a spot about fifty feet away from the tree. "Right around here. And we're not walking down the aisle, Peanut. We're sashaying."

Rey laughs as he reaches for his phone. "What?"

"Here, let's do a practice run," Finn says, hitting play and returning his phone to his pocket before taking her hand. A familiar tune begins to play, one that only makes her laugh harder.

_“Celebrate good times, come on!”_

"Finn, you can't be serious!" Rey exclaims as he begins to tug her down the imaginary aisle, complete with bad dance moves.

"Why not? It'll set the tone for the evening, get a few laughs, plus you and I get to show off our killer dance moves!"

She's still laughing in disbelief as Finn decides to get fancy and tries to twirl her around, only for both of them to trip and nearly fall to the ground. "Of the four people in this wedding party," Rey snorts as they right themselves, "you and I are _definitely_ not the ones with moves worth showing off."

After all, Poe's a natural, and no Organa can escape their teenage years without a few lessons.

"Hey, speak for yourself," Finn huffs, though the effect is ruined by his grin and another attempt to twirl as they reach the willow. He reaches into his pocket to stop the music while Rey pretends to wipe sweat off her brow.

"Besides, if your skills really are that rusty, I'm sure Ben would be happy to give you a few pointers on the dance floor."

Rey trades her smile in for a scowl.

"Don't look at me like that!" Finn says, holding his hands up innocently. "It's _tradition,_ Rey. Not my fault the best man and maid of honor have to share at least one dance."

"Which is probably why Ben was considerate enough to give me a heads-up," Rey tells him with a glare, "while my so-called friends left me in the dark."

He shrugs the accusation off. "I would've told you. At some point. Eventually."

Rey crosses her arms. "The day of the wedding doesn't count, Finn."

"Nah, rehearsal dinner at the very latest," he claims, as if that's any better.

Finn remains unapologetic even in the face of Rey's death glare, going so far as to add: "Besides, I'm doing you a favor here."

"A _favor_?" she sputters, torn between outrage and amusement.

"Come on, Rey," Finn says with a roll of his eyes. "I've seen the way he looks at you. And I don't need to watch you make heart eyes back at him to know how you feel. So what's holding you back?"

He makes it sound so easy, as if this isn't the messiest situation of Rey's life. "Finn," she sighs, dropping her arms a little lower so that she's not so much giving off a hostile vibe as she is hugging herself for comfort. "You don't understand—"

Finn raises an eyebrow at her. "Peanut, I've had a front-row seat to every chapter of your story with Ben. You're gonna have to come up with something better than that."

"Things aren’t that simple—" she tries again, digging in her heels even as her fight-or-flight instincts kick in now that she's being forced to confront the issue.

"They could be, if you just let them," he insists, the slightest hint of impatience seeping into his tone.

 _Easy for him to talk,_ Rey thinks to herself bitterly. Easy for him to think everything's that simple when it comes to love, since his love story has led to them standing in the spot where he's getting married next week while hers has her crying into her pillow at night. Finn goes on and on about second chances, about how she just needs to take the first step and everything will be okay, and all it does is drive home the reminder of how _not_ okay things are, how they might never be okay ever again, and it's all because of her, all because—

"I abandoned him!" Rey finally snaps, words tearing free from the deepest, darkest part of her broken heart to shatter the tranquility of the clearing, to echo over and over again in broad daylight. She can vaguely make out Finn losing his smile, but it's hard to see over the tears she can no longer hold back.

"Finn," she sobs as he pulls her into his arms. "Finn, I abandoned him. I walked out on him when he needed me most, gave up on him when there was still hope, left him all alone—"

Alone, when they'd promised each other they'd never be again.

"Hey," Finn murmurs, rubbing soothing circles into her back. "No, Rey, it's okay, it's okay—"

It really isn't, but the more he soothes her like a hurt baby animal, the more it starts to feel that way. Finn keeps going, keeps holding and comforting her until her tears run dry. Then, and only then, once she's finally calmed down and started taking proper breaths again, does he pull back, take her by the shoulders, and give her a rare Serious Look.

"Rey, listen to me: you had no choice, okay? He left you no other choice. You did what you had to."

"But—"

"No buts," he says firmly. "I was there, Rey. I remember. I remember every single moment of it, how miserable and heartbroken you were. You. Had. No. Choice."

The way he bites off each word leaves no room for argument. Rey sighs and drops her gaze down at the ground beneath their feet, at this spot that should be linked to the happiest day of Finn's life but will now always hold the memory of her crying in his arms like an inconsolable child.

Her peanut really is the best friend a girl could ask for, but that also makes him potentially biased.

"Even..." Rey whispers, lifts her eyes back to his and silently pleads with him to let her go on. "Even if that's true... what now, Finn?"

He smiles at her, slides his hands down her arms to take hers and give her a comforting squeeze. "Now you get a second chance, Peanut."

Somehow, her body manages to wring just enough moisture from her to fill her eyes with tears again.

"It's not that easy," she says, shaking her head at him. "I lied to him, Finn. I freaked out because I know what he wants, or at least I think I do, and god, I want it too, more than _anything_ , Finn, but... I don't... I don't deserve this," Rey admits to herself, heart shattering all over again. "I don't deserve him, not after everything—"

Finn sighs. "Rey. Stop right there. You're just... you're going in circles now, do you realize? You're just gonna keep torturing yourself if you go on like this."

"What else am I supposed to do?" she demands weakly. "What else _can_ I do?"

"Talk to him," Finn replies without a moment's pause. "Look... the last time you made a decision about this relationship without consulting him... I told you: you had no other choice. I was 100% behind you then, and I still think you did the right thing - the _only_ thing you could do, really - even now, even knowing how it all turned out."

"But," he adds, "things change, Rey. People change. This isn't five years ago, this isn't you having to decide what's best for the both of you because he won't - or can't - do it."

Finn squeezes her hand again, softens the blow with a small smile. "I think this time, Ben deserves to have a say too."

He goes quiet after that, giving Rey time to process her thoughts as he leads them back to the main building. They make it back just as his lunch hour ends, and he extracts dozens of reassurances from Rey that she'll be okay on her own before they go their separate ways. Finn heads back to work, and Rey... Rey finds herself aimlessly wandering the grounds of Chandrila University.

Well, her mind had assumed her path was aimless. Her feet - and perhaps heart - have a different plan entirely, retracing the steps of her relationship with Ben.

There's the trail they used to run together, first as strangers and then as... as people who meant more to each other than anything and anyone else in the world.

There's the library, and if she looks up and squints she can just about make out the fourth-floor corner they'd claimed as their own, spending long, sleepless nights cuddled up together while they studied in silence.

And there's the entrance to the social sciences building, where she used to bid Ben hurried goodbyes in the morning, parting ways with him as he headed inside for his 8AM while she rushed to the engineering building further down the road.

One particular morning, just a few short months after their first date, they'd been running later than usual.

"Okay, gotta run," Rey had said, getting up on her tip-toes to kiss Ben goodbye. "See you later, love you, bye—"

She'd turned to rush off then, only to be stopped by Ben's hand curling around her wrist, only to find him staring at her with wide eyes that slowly grew bright and parted lips that slowly curved upwards.

It was only in that moment that Rey's brain finally caught up with her mouth, her heart.

Ben had tugged her back into his arms before she could freak out, had pulled her close and smiled against her lips and kissed her senseless, right there on the front steps of the social sciences building for everyone to see.

And then...

And then, still smiling, still holding her close, he'd whispered against her lips: "I love you too, sweetheart."

Eight years later, Rey finds herself standing on those very steps, reliving every single moment of their love story.

A story that she's not ready to put an end to just yet.

After days - if not years - of torturous doubt and deliberation, that single realization is enough to set Rey into motion. She sets out for _Forget Me Not_ before her mind can fill her heart with doubt again, and every painful reminder of how much time she's wasted just makes her move faster.

By the time the café comes into sight, she's practically running.

Rey bursts through the front doors and into the bustling café, almost every table occupied by Friday lunch-goers who fill the place with ambient sounds of chatter, laughter, and the delicate _clink_ of porcelain and silverware. A waiter - one she recognizes from Wednesday night - comes up to her with a pleasant and welcoming smile that quickly transforms into an indecipherable expression as soon as he places her.

She doesn't have the time to read into it.

"Hi... Mitaka," she wheezes, sneaking a quick glance at his name tag as she catches her breath. "Is Ben here?"

"Friday is his day off," he tells her almost distractedly, stepping forward with a frown to guide her to one of the few available tables. "Are you okay, miss? Can I get you something? Water, maybe?"

Rey waves his concern off, as sweet as it is. Her heart is still racing from the burst of adrenaline that sent her running here, but now disappointment is slowly seeping in.

"I'm fine," she says, even as Mitaka motions for one of his coworkers to bring her some water. "Just really _, really_ need to talk to Ben, that's all."

He presses a nice, cool glass of water into her hands, and Rey catches him studying her with a scrunched-up little look on his face as she drains the glass.

"I don't mean to pry but... is it a good kind of talk?"

She's not quite sure what her face is doing in response to his unexpected question, but it's enough to have Mitaka tripping over his words in an attempt to explain himself.

"I just- I'm sorry, I realize how rude this is, but Mister Solo... he still talks about you, sometimes, and we were all so excited when we heard from Poe that you were coming to visit, but then the way you reacted on Monday—"

"Wait, you saw that?" Rey cuts in, throat dry at the thought of Ben's whole team witnessing her running away from him like a coward, abandoning him once again...

Mitaka gives her a sheepish little grin.

"We're hopeless romantics - well, most of us." At her expectant look, he adds: "We were spying from the kitchen."

The mental image alone has her cheeks growing uncomfortably warm. "Oh, God,” she moans into her hands as they hide her flaming face from view.

"So I'm really, really sorry for this, Miss Niima, but please, tread lightly with him? After Monday... I don't think we saw him smile again until you appeared on Wednesday. And yesterday morning he was whistling - _whistling,_ Miss Niima - but as the day went by he just kept looking at his phone, and he got quieter and quieter, and..." Mitaka shrugs, his smile a sad, barely-there thing now.

Rey, on the other hand, is on the verge of tears all over again. At this rate, she won't have any left to cry for the wedding. And Finn will have no one but himself to blame, really. But it's the thought of Finn that gives her renewed strength now, strength to push through the guilt and finally _do_ something about it as he would encourage her to.

So she blinks away her tears and puts on a smile instead, one that doesn't even feel forced. "It's the best kind of talk, I promise."

Mitaka stares at her for the longest while, and then— "Amilyn Holdo stages an open mic night at the Raddus every Friday. Mister Solo usually goes there around 7PM to help her set up."

That's nearly five hours from now, but... Ben's waited for five years. She can handle five hours.

Rey thanks Mitaka profusely, promises him she'll make things right, and heads back to the hotel. She tries to busy herself with work emails, tries to distract herself by dissecting every single minute of yesterday's interview, but nothing works.

An hour later, she's stopped herself from calling him at least a dozen times. It'd be so easy, to just hit call and do this over the phone so that she doesn't have to look him in the eye. Easier still to call a car and show up at his front door, but that feels too much like an ambush.

After everything they've been through, Ben deserves better. Their story deserves better, regardless of whether this marks the start of a new chapter or...

Or the end of the line.

The thought leaves her blood cold, but before she knows it Rey is closing her eyes and conjuring Ben's warm smile from memory, so many memories from that first hello all those years ago to their goodbye on Wednesday night. She pulls up their short message thread, and lets the faded but never forgotten memory of his voice rumbling those exact words soothe her.

For the next few hours, Rey blocks out everything except the memory of Ben and them and everything they've ever shared.

By the time a car arrives to take her to Raddus, her mind and heart have finally made peace with each other and the situation. No matter what happens tonight... this is the right thing to do. Giving Ben the explanation she owes him, giving him a say in their future - it's what he deserves.

As for what she deserves... Rey silences the little voice of doubt and guilt in her mind and decides to leave it up to Ben.

* * *

Walking into Raddus feels like stepping into the past.

The coffee-shop-slash-work-space looks exactly the same as it did the very last time Rey was here, studying for her last college exam ever one warm Tuesday afternoon a little over five years ago. Its owner appears equally untouched by time, a shock of lilac hair darting from one table to another as Amilyn Holdo catches up with regulars, offers stressed-out students comforting reassurances, and wishes tonight's performers good luck.

Rey's missed Amilyn's soothing presence as much as she has every other thing about this town, but their reunion can wait. For now, she only has eyes for Ben, moving equipment up onto the stage like the dutiful godson he is. Both the times she's seen him so far, he'd been dressed in button-downs and nice jeans, a good look for any business owner and an especially good one on Ben.

Tonight, though, he's hauling amps and guitars in a tee shirt that's visibly struggling to contain him and jeans that are... still nice, but tighter. Much tighter. The familiar all-black look, combined with the time capsule effect of the entire place, almost tricks Rey into thinking it's just another Friday night after a long week of classes, just another date night with the boyfriend she loves more than anyone else in the world.

The way he waves and smiles at Rey when he looks up and catches sight of her in the crowd doesn't help either. How can he smile at her like that after everything she's put them through, as if nothing's changed between them?

Her thoughts serve as a cruel and sudden reminder that the past is long gone and the present is nothing like what she'd dreamed it would be. By the time Ben sets down the final amp and leaves the stage to approach her, Rey feels the familiar burn of tears in her eyes once more. It's getting a little ridiculous, really, and she's absolutely pissed at herself and probably more than a little dehydrated and God, all of this is so embarrassing—

But then Ben catches sight of her tears and automatically opens his arms to her, and Rey, Rey runs right to him.

"I'm sorry," she sobs into his chest, overwhelmed by the familiar comfort of his arms wrapping around her. She'd meant to do this with less tears and more grace, to let this moment be about Ben instead of herself, but all bets are off once he tucks her head under his chin and starts running a soothing hand through her hair. "I'm so sorry, Ben, I'm so _, so_ sorry for leaving you, for how I left, for all of it, I'm sorry—"

"Hey," Ben sighs, lips warm against her temple. "Hey, Rey, no. It's okay, it's okay, I promise."

It's so far from okay, that he should be the one comforting her after everything. She tells him as much, repeats her list of crimes against him and atones by way of endless, tear-filled apologies.

He cuts her off and pulls back to look her in the eye. "Rey. Stop. Please don't do this to yourself, please don't blame yourself. I don't."

Everything about this moment feels too good to be true. "But I—"

Ben shakes his head with a small, sad smile. "I get it now. Why you left, why you had to do it the way you did. And I don't blame you for any of it."

"You can't..." Rey protests weakly even as her heart stutters when Ben moves to gently wipe away her tears. "You can't mean that, you were so angry when I told you that night—"

He stills, smile disappearing as his hand retreats to hover just an inch away from her cheek. "I still regret that every single day. The fact that those were my last words to you for so long... it's been haunting me for years. I never meant any of it, I should _never_ have said that to you. God, Rey, I'm the one who should be sorry."

She wants to shake her head, wants to remind him that she's the one at fault, but... the thing is, Rey's spent so long painting herself as the villain of their story that sometimes she forgets that Ben had a role to play as well, that ultimately his words that night had been the final push she'd needed to walk away.

Maybe it'd been unrealistic and girlish of her to expect him to drop everything at the idea of her leaving and beg her to stay and fight for them, but she'd certainly never expected Ben to go the complete opposite way and practically encourage her to leave either.

But... it's in the past now, all of it.

"Ben..." she whispers, channeling all of her emotions from the past five years into that single syllable as she leans into his touch.

"I didn't... It wasn't... It took time, for me to figure things out," he tells her quietly. "I won't lie, I was devastated when I came home after graduation and realized that you'd actually done it, that you were really gone for good."

The image of him coming home to an apartment devoid of her belongings and realizing she was gone is too painful to even think of.

"I was..." Ben squeezes his eyes shut, forces out a shaky exhale before he looks at her again. "I was so mad, so _fucking_ mad at first. I told myself I was mad at _you_ , but I think I was just trying to avoid the fact that I'd driven you away. I spent two whole years trapped in this vicious cycle of being mad and then sad and then mad all over again until one day... I realized." He pauses, throat working and lips parted as they both wait for the words to come to him.

Finally, Ben whispers, "I realized just how bad it must've been, for you of all people to abandon me."

Rey can't help herself: she flinches, right there and then in Ben's arms. She knows that's exactly what she did, had used that exact word with Finn just today, but to know that that's how he sees it too...

Her guilt must be written all over her face, because he tugs her impossibly closer and leans down to touch his forehead to hers.

"I'm sorry, but..." Ben sighs, lips close enough for his breath to fan out across her own.

Rey closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and steels herself.

"It's true," she admits to the both of them, for the both of them. There's no changing the past, she reminds herself as the guilt threatens to undo her all over again. No changing the past, only fixing the present.

Ben lingers for another moment before he draws away to look at her once more.

"It's true," he acknowledges, only to unexpectedly offer her a little smile. "And seeing it that way is exactly what helped me get back on the right track."

She has... too many questions to voice, all of which Ben probably sees in her eyes anyway as she silently begs him to go on. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair, and then reluctantly admits: "Our first anniversary after... after you left, I pretty much trashed the whole apartment."

It's difficult to picture, to reconcile the Ben she knew and the Ben she knows now with the man she'd always feared he'd become.

A part of Rey is actually glad she never got to know that Ben – witnessing the early stages of his transformation for the worse had been bad enough. She doesn't say a word though, doesn't even let her heartache at the image of him alone and angry and lashing out like a hurt animal show on her face. Ben's words come slowly but surely, and she doesn't interrupt as he finally gets it all off his chest.

"So the second year, I decided I'd go drown my sorrows somewhere else. I picked some random hipster bar I'd never heard of and had no intention of ever going back to, figuring no one would recognize me there. So of course Poe ended up waltzing in an hour later, as soon as I was well and truly drunk. It was... fuck, Rey, it wasn't pretty."

She reaches for the hand that's fallen back down to his side, and gives it a squeeze. Ben's lips twitch with an almost-smile before he goes on. "I was drunk and miserable and so fucking _sad_ , and I kept going on and on about how you were probably better off without me anyway, how you were probably having the time of your life now that you'd finally escaped me and all my fuck-ups."

At that, Rey feels compelled to speak up, to let him know he hadn't been alone in his pain. "Ben..."

"I know," he says gently, allowing that twitch from earlier to turn into a slight curve as he brings up their joined hands to brush a kiss along the inside of her wrist. Rey's heart is torn between fluttering at the gesture and sinking at the idea of him actually believing those things. "I know better now," Ben assures her, "But... yeah, I was a fucking self-pitying disaster. And that's when Poe finally had enough of my shit and snapped at me."

"What did he say?"

"That I was a fucking idiot if I didn't realize how much you were hurting too," Ben shrugs. "And that's when everything finally clicked. I'd been so busy reacting to you leaving, I never once tried to understand _why_ you did it. Only then did I start wondering how hard it must've been for you to leave, how bad things must've been for you to do so. And once I started asking myself those questions... the answers weren't hard to find," he tells her with a grimace. "They kept piling up, actually, until one day I just couldn't take it anymore."

"And that's when you quit?" Rey prompts, tightening her grip on his hand.

Ben nods. "That's when I quit. And I could never have done it if you hadn't given me that wake-up call... even if it did take me two years to see it for what it was."

All those wasted years, all that time Ben spent suffering on his own... "It could've been sooner," she mumbles, dropping her gaze to his chest to avoid his eyes, "if I'd stayed. You wouldn't have had to go through all of this for so long, or at least not alone—"

"Rey, _no_."

The hand that's been resting at the small of her back since she first stumbled into his arms moves to tip her chin up and bring her eyes back to his. "As much as it pains me to say this... leaving was the best thing - the _only_ thing - you could've done. If you stayed..." Ben lets out a heavy sigh. "If you stayed I would've just dragged you down with me. And I don't think I could have forgiven myself for that."

"Ben—" she begins to protest, only for him to shake his head at her.

"Please, Rey. Please stop blaming yourself. I did a long time ago."

And she's grateful for it, really she is, but Rey can't bring herself to accept this absolution she doesn't deserve. "But I left you _alone_ , we promised each other we'd never—"

"I think... I think maybe I left you alone first," Ben says, and it's about the only thing he could've said to silence her.

Because... their apartment had been so empty without him, in those final few months, the days too silent, their bed too big. After letting Ben burrow into every aspect of her life, it'd been a shock to her system when he'd gone and left her feeling lonelier than ever before.

In many ways, she'd felt abandoned too.

Abandoned first.

"I still think about it, our last year together, the way everything slowly fell apart but I was too fucking blind and stupid to see it. I have nightmares about the way I treated you: the way I was never around for the important things in your life, the way I never had time to listen to you when you needed to vent, to hold you when you came home from a long day... Rey," Ben whispers, and she watches in horror and heartache as his eyes start to fill. " _Rey_ , I ruined us. I was so fucking stupid, trying to outrun my past—"

They've always been haunted by their pasts, the two of them. In so many ways, it appears they still are.

Rey's getting a little sick of it, to be honest.

She throws her arms around Ben, tries her best to hold him tight and offer him the same comfort he's given her. "Ben, no, it's behind us now, it's all behind us now," she whispers fiercely, lips moving against his jaw. Even now, he's so careful to hold his own weight while he slowly melts into her embrace. She can hear his breathing, mindful inhales and exhales as his arms move to wrap around her as well.

"It is," Ben murmurs, sounding almost as if he's reminding himself. "All of it is." He takes a small step back, hands still around her back, and gives her a shaky smile, eyes still wet with unshed tears. "It's behind us now," he echoes for good measure, though Rey can't tell if he's trying to convince himself or her or the both of them.

She nods anyway.

He hesitates for a moment, and then gives her a bigger smile, a sweeter smile. "So please, Rey, can we please let the past die and just focus on our future instead? No more blaming ourselves, no more _what-ifs_ or _could-haves_. Can you promise me that, at least?"

Rey wants to promise him this more than anything, wants to promise him the sun and the stars and the moon.

But... above all else, she never wants to break another promise to him ever again. And with her future a big unknown, that's hard to balance. "I want to," Rey says desperately. "More than anything, Ben, I want to focus on the future with you. I want to promise you everything else too, but I just... I don't know..."

He lets go of her, and it physically hurts to watch his smile fade. "No, it's okay, I... Look, Rey," he sighs. "It's obvious how I still feel about you. I mean, I built and named an entire café in your memory. But I get it. You're only in town for the wedding, and I know you've got a great life in Coruscant, so I don't want to make you choose, I'm not going to make you choose—"

Oh. Right.

"I'm not just in town for the wedding," Rey blurts out. With all of the drama surrounding her past mistakes, she'd completely forgotten to rectify a much more recent one.

Ben blinks at her. "You're not?"

"I had a job interview. Yesterday. With Lando."

"Lando as in my cape-wearing Uncle Lando?"

Rey's surprised by the little laugh that escapes her, but it's worth it for the way the tension seeps out of Ben. "The one and only. He wants to get in on the self-driving car trend, and apparently Han and Luke wouldn't stop talking me up, so..." Rey trails off with a shrug.

Ben stares at her for a good ten seconds. "So..." he finally whispers, voice hushed with hope, "this means... you might... we could—?"

"I'm still waiting to hear back from them," she says gently, trying not to burst his - their - bubble. It's such a fragile thing, this potential future between them. A part of Rey wants to say screw it, to quit her job and pack her bags and move back here right this moment. But no matter how badly she wants this second chance, Rey knows she can't just throw her life away like hat, knows Ben wouldn't want her to do it either.

So they're going to have to be a little patient, just for a little while longer.

"But Lando's made it pretty clear I'm the only candidate he's willing to work with," Rey adds, carefully watching Ben's reaction. "And they're supposed to get back to me by Monday."

She's always loved the way his eyes light up with hope. "So if you're willing to meet me here again on Monday night," Rey suggests, allowing herself a little hope as well. "I'll have an answer for you by then."

Ben rakes a hand through his hair, gives her one of those full, proper smiles that always makes her heart skip.

"Tell you what," he says, voice low like they're sharing a secret, just the two of them. "Come by the café as soon as you know, and I'll have breakfast waiting for you."

There's so much that's still up in the air, so much that could still go wrong, but...

But this time, Rey's bound and determined to stay and figure it all out. It'll be easier, with Ben by her side, on her side. "I'd like that," she tells him, reaching out to lace their fingers together. "I've missed your cooking." And then, drawing from the strength they've always found in each other, Rey adds, "I've missed you."

Ben's smile softens. "I've missed you too, sweetheart," he murmurs, and presses a kiss to her forehead.

It feels like the first page of a new chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's that, friends! The epilogue will be the first page of their happily-ever-after, but this chapter of their lives is pretty much done now. I'll save the weepy thanks and goodbyes for tomorrow; for now I just hope y'all enjoyed this chapter and that it wasn't too repetitive/played out. 
> 
> Rey suffers, as most of us do, from a tendency to be harder on herself than anyone else; combined with the human brain's inability to retain accurate and impartial memories as well as her painful history with abandonment, that made for one hell of a mess she had to navigate before she could face the truth, let go of the past, and move on with Ben. I hope the payoff was worth the thousands of words of angst I put them and you guys through.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and please don't hesitate to leave a comment! See y'all tomorrow for the epilogue.


	5. epilogue

The next Saturday, Finn and Poe have the wedding of their dreams.

It's a beautiful autumn day, and they do indeed draw a few laughs from the audience when Rey dances Finn down the aisle, Poe and Ben's loudest of all.

At the reception, Ben ends up showing her a few moves after all. It takes a while for them to find their rhythm together again, but soon they're moving as one and twirling across the dance floor alongside Finn and Poe.

They fit together as if they never came apart.

"All packed for tomorrow?" Ben murmurs as he draws her close when the music slows down, lips brushing the shell of her ear.

Rey hides a smile in the hollow of his neck. "Just a few things left." The flight isn't until three in the afternoon, anyway, and it's not like she brought much with her. She has time. "You?"

Ben presses a kiss to her temple. "I've been packed since Monday, sweetheart."

Since the day she received the job offer and he decided to accompany her back to Coruscant to pack up her things for the big move back, then.

It's a four-hour flight to Coruscant, but a four-day drive back to Chandrila with all of her belongings in tow. Neither of them are crazy about the prospect, but at least it's a scenic route and they've scheduled stops at some cute little bed-and-breakfasts in between. "Someone's excited for our little road trip," Rey teases, pulling back from their tight embrace to give Ben a grin.

"It's you, me, and a reunion honeymoon with no one else to disturb us. What's not to love?" Ben shrugs.

She nearly falters at the word _honeymoon_ and the future it conjures up, the future she still can't believe they get to have. They've joked about the trip, of course, with his family being particularly vocal about it being a lovers' getaway and Leia sighing more than once over the idea that her two favorite couples will be away on their honeymoons at the same time, but this is the first time Ben's called it that.

"Honeymoon, huh?" Rey asks with a little laugh.

Ben brings a hand up from her waist to tuck a stray curl behind her ear. "We'll still have a real one someday, of course. Don't think I've forgotten my promise to you."

How could he, when he seems to remember every promise he's ever made her and is fully intent on fulfilling them now that he has the chance to again?

Rey remembers this one fondly. It'd been during their first spring break together, when everyone else was busy planning island or beach getaways. She'd longingly admitted to Ben that she'd never actually been to any of the pristine beaches and beautiful islands all of their classmates wouldn't stop talking her ear off about, and he'd immediately, unthinkingly promised they would visit every single island her heart desired for their honeymoon someday. Ben's ears and cheeks and neck had burned bright red while he sputtered out apologies, and Rey had been too busy having a moment of clarity to assure him it was okay.

She'd realized, then and there, only months into their relationship, that she would marry this man someday.

And now here they are all these years later, with that future firmly within their grasp once more.

"Someday," Rey agrees, and the blinding smile her unspoken promise draws from Ben has her reaching up on her tiptoes to kiss him in front of all their family and friends. Poe and Finn are the first to realize as they slide across the dance floor with moves that don't match the slow song at all, and it doesn't take long for them to drown out the music as they lead their guests in cheers, claps, and even wolf whistles.

She wraps her arms around Ben's neck for balance and lingers long after they part, just to feel the shape of his smile when Leia's raspy voice cheers loudest of all and Han's rare chuckle rises above the din.

Ben laughs then, breath warm against her lips, and rubs their noses together affectionately before slowly helping Rey sink back down to her feet. "See, this is why I can't wait for our trip," he murmurs as he ducks his head and focuses on their feet to avoid all the attention.

Rey smiles and nudges his chin back up with the hand resting on his shoulder. "They're just happy for us, that's all."

"Not as happy as I am," Ben says quietly, eyes shining with unbridled, contagious joy, and Rey feels like kissing him all over again.

"I love you," she tells him instead, cheeks hurting from how much she's smiled this whole day, this whole week. It's not the first time she's said it since they got their second chance, but she still cherishes every opportunity to do so.

Ben leans down for a quick peck, and doesn't lose his smile even when the crowd cheers at their brief encore performance. "I love you too, sweetheart. Always have, always will."

Surrounded by love and joy and Ben, Rey allows herself a happy little sigh as she curls closer to him, rests her head on his shoulder and closes her eyes as she lets him sway her to the music.

For the first time in five years, she's finally home again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _And they lived happily ever after._
> 
> When I first started writing this over on Twitter, it was meant to be a 'short and sweet' exes getting back together ficlet because hey, who doesn't like that trope? The damn thing ended up taking me around two months, more than 250 tweets, and a whole lot of tears to write, but I loved sharing it with others then and I love that I finally got around to sharing it with y'all now. 
> 
> I don't know when I'll write again, but hopefully I'll see you guys soon. As always, thank you all so much for reading and I'd love to hear from you in the comments!


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